Allow me to get this ready for tomorrow's draft aftermath

Massage Parlor Mistrial Declared After Masseuse Recognizes Defense Lawyer as Client

FROM PJ Lifestyle

Massage Parlor Mistrial Declared After Masseuse Recognizes Defense Lawyer as Client

It's not every day that the American Bar Association website offers the world a dish of such delicious implications as this, served on a veritable silver platter, but PJM LifeStyle readers, today is our lucky day.  The eye-catching headline reads "Massage Parlor Mistrial Declared After Masseuse Recognizes Defense Lawyer as Client:"

A Chicago federal judge declared a mistrial last week in a sex-trafficking prosecution after a masseuse who worked for the defendant and testified for the prosecution recognized the defense lawyer as a client.

After stepping down from the stand, masseuse Liudmyla Ksenych told prosecutors she recognized defense lawyer Douglas Rathe, report the Chicago Sun-Times and the Chicago Tribune.

The revelation prompted U.S. District Court Judge Robert Gettleman to declare a mistrial in the case against a massage parlor owner accused of threatening immigrant women to extort money and force them to into sex trafficking.

As it turned out, not only was the prosecution witness a professional masseuse but, according to her client, the defense counsel, she holds a bachelor's degree in law from her native Ukraine.  The lawyer failed to recognize her name on the witness list because she had worked as a masseuse under an assumed name.

I remember the days...

...when kids could throw rocks at cars without worrying about being shot with a crossbow.
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_CROSSBOW_ATTACK?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2011-08-30-11-06-29

Bullyproof your child

http://www.thepostgame.com/features/201108/real-it-gets-victims-schoolyard-bullying-can-fight-back-help-ufc-royalty

Galactic Empire State of Mind

He's got 99 problems but jedi ain't one.

Preparing for SOFA Mechanical Bull Field Trip

In the coming weeks, we will be venturing to Cadillac Ranch at National Harbor for a mechanical bull riding field trip. Please view this instructional video to prepare for that outing.

This feels made up

This, from the Scientific American website, sounds  suspiciously like the "Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence"

 http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&gid=5511860677

SOFA Rides out Hurricane Irene

Hope everyone made it through the earthquake AND the hurricane. Wow, what a week! Now that the apocalypse-that-wasn't has passed, it's a good time to review your disaster preparedness plans (personally, my "go bag" is looking a little bit lonely right now). However, being a SOFA member prepared me to take on the worst of any crisis. First and foremost, a supply of rations is the number one thing you should have on hand to ride out the emergency. Shown here is my personal supply of emergency rations. I recommend a kit like this because it pretty much includes most of the necessities you'll need.

Following the storm, SOFA surveyed the devastation outside of SOFA HQ and immediately set to work helping neighbors and friends with cleanup activities. The work was hard, but very necessary to put our beloved neighborhood back in order.

Hope everyone managed to make it out of Irene unscathed. The SOFA brotherhood runs deep so if you need us to help with disaster preparedness or cleanup after an emergency, you know who you can trust.

Are u ready for the danger zone?

SOFA Dads - Grab your dog tags

This Saturday SOFA will holding the first Top Gun Volleyball Invitational. 9:00 am at the Hollin Hall Seniors Center (fitting!)


View Larger Map

SOFA Deals

SOFAsports Bowling

Neighborhood Watch

Not sure if this is a London or U.S. neighborhood, but either way it communicates an important axiom: "An armed society is a polite society."

SOFA Fantasy Football 2011 is shaping up

Now that the bitter dispute between SOFA owners and SOFA players is over, we can start ramping up for some SOFaux Football.

I'm happy to announce that the following franchises have pledged to return:
1) Tropical Cabbage
2) Smell the Glove
3) Pull My Finger
4) Running Down Your Team
5) Neil Diamond Fan Club
6) The Beautiful Tulips
7) ** League Champion ** Skinz4Evar

And in a stunning development, our own Roger Goodell, the commissioner from last season, is dramatically shedding his coat and tie and strapping on a jock strap to compete on the gridiron as a To be Named Franchise.

We are hopeful that we will also be welcoming back as our Lead Pundit, Ryan "Superboy" Werzyn, the prognosticator of Prognosticators.

Interested in hopping on the SOFA? email Brian@SlightlyOverweightFathers.com

Announcing new SOFA Carbon Offsets Program

Beginning in Sept. , 2011, we will be unveiling the SOFA Carbon Offsets program.  If you are burning your garbage or taking a long car trip or whatever and are concerned about the impact of your increased carbon emissions on the environment, you no longer have anything to fear. 

You can easily (and conveniently) purchase carbon offsets through our web site (http://www.SlightlyOverweightFathers.com/SaveThePlanet,). 

How's it work?  You go to the web site and enter the precise details about your crime against nature (and unborn generations).

 Our handy dandy web calculator will generate a specific tally of your offense and list the amount that you need to pay to bring the environment (and your conscience) back into peaceful alignment. 

Once you enter a major credit card and your purchase has been confirmed, we will take measures to reduce our carbon emissions by the amount that you created with your reckless, f-ed up behavior. 

How will we do that you ask?  The options range from not getting out of bed that day to cancelling plans to have an additional child (thus reducing Co2 emissions).  (The actual algorithm is very technical – don't concern yourself with it). 

All you have to do is recognize how your selfishness is destroying the planet and then be willing to MAN UP and pay the fee.  We take care of the rest!

Details to follow!